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Nov 21, 2009, 1:42am

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Greatest American Hero Fan Fiction Forum :: Hatching a scenario :: Scenario in the works :: Comments about WIPs

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Topic: Comments about WIPs (Read 551 times)

MelMac
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TigreMalabarista
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Comments about WIPs
« Thread Started on Sept 23, 2007, 12:14am »

This is a thread for comments about WIPs that are being written/posted on this board. Out of respect for the authors, please do not list spoilers here unless they say it's all right.

Have fun.

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mmderdekea
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Re: Comments about WIPs
« Reply #1 on Sept 23, 2007, 9:11pm »

Hello, MyTatuo,

Overall, this is a neat, well-written story. Sometimes I had to read a scene a couple of times to figure out who was speaking, as I couldn't figure it out easily first time around, but your sequencing of scenes is very good, your introduction to characters is timely, and your writing is good. I guess the only problem I had with it was your kind of mean characterization of Bill. We know from the show that Bill went to Harlen's weekly, sometimes twice a week, to care for that old man he loved. I think if he had been a real part of Holly and Sarah's life, to the extent Sarah considers him "Uncle Bill" and Holly considered him "her father" (which I love!), he'd have dropped everything to get back for the funeral. Although I did love that he had gotten (final) recognition for his work and was important in Washington.

Otherwise, I hope the TGAH2008 team can do as well as you were doing!

Mona

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MyTatuo
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Re: Comments about WIPs
« Reply #2 on Sept 24, 2007, 4:37pm »

Since I don't know if I will pick this story back up, I don't want to give the whole thing away. Suffice it to say, the phone call to Sarah (explaining that he was gonna have to miss the funeral) was one of the hardest things he ever had to in his life. However, because he is now the Director of the F.B.I., and given the current state of world affairs in the period where the story takes place, even HE could not pull enough strings to attend Holly's funeral. He was, however, starting to work additional overtime (hard to do at his advanced age) to find out through unofficial channels what REALLY happened to Holly. Though she was supposedly in some accident, we know from the prologue that it may have been more than that, if even the greenguys are afraid to approach Earth. Bill, whose instincts are still good, knows something's going on, and though it's breaking Sarah's heart, his priority concerning his old partner is finding out how she really died. The grief he feels at not being there for her (for a long time now, ever since he moved to the Capitol and she stayed behind) has weighed heavily on him, believe me.

As you may have read back on the Culp board, my story would start out pissing off Bill's fans (deserting Holly; won't attend her funeral; Kevin wishes him dead), but we ALL know that's not who Bill is, and all would be explained. Bill was my main antagonist, but that was Kevin's failing, not my own

P.S. I believe BW called me out on the same "who's talking to whom" issue with that scene, but that was actually a writing choice I made, which I guess I didn't pull off too well. My original plan was to not identify them at all, and keep the mystery going. At some point the scene got too convoluted without names, so I changed it. I guess I should have just stuck in all the "Bill said"s and "Sarah asked"s, but I was still going for the audio-only aspect in my head...

Oh, and BTW, thanks for your comments, Mona!

« Last Edit: Sept 24, 2007, 4:42pm by MyTatuo »

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BIBLIOGRAPHY:
In the Boom Boom Room (NC-17) Bill/stripper from "Newlywed Game" (Complete!)
It was Just a Suggestion (NC-17) Pam/Erika Van Damm from "Hand-Painted Thai" (WIP)
Free-Fall Maxwell, the Famous Leaper - tGAH/Quantum Leap crossover (WIP)
The Next Greatest American Hero (series?) - Kevin Hinkley "inherits" the suit (on Hiatus)

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